DALLAS: JR’s Suite at Southfork Hotel (Southfork Ranch)

Confession: I was not allowed to watch television as a child, except for Fraggle Rock and the family-friendly Sunday Night Movie. So I missed all the really great evening soaps of the ’80s: Falcon Crest, Dynasty, Dark Shadows, and yes, even Dallas.  I didn’t get to see any of the philandering, the catfighting, the feathered hairdos and fabulous outfits, or obsess over a single outrageous plotline featuring a gunfight and a dream sequence…poor me, right?

But that doesn’t mean I didn’t know about the glory of these shows, and of course I wanted to make up for a bit of what I’d missed by visiting Southfork Ranch, where Dallas was shot, when visiting the actual city of Dallas. In fact, I couldn’t think of anything more appropriate to do.

The first effects I realized upon driving into the magnificent 350-acre Southfork Ranch property is that TV soap opera production budgets must have been much better in the late ’70s and ’80s.  This property was a working ranch owned by the Duncan family until Lorimar Productions landed a helicopter there one day and said, “We must shoot our new show Dallas on this very spot.” And when Dallas became such a big be successful that the Duncans couldn’face to face live onsite anymore without being constantly bothered by avid fans, the family sold the estate to the producers. Imagine having that kind of money in the location governmental estimate!  Or rather, compare Southfork Mansion to Rock of Love Bus and you’ll see my point.

DALLAS: Miss Ellie’s kitchen (Southfork Ranch)

At any rate, I am apparently the only person in the world who didn’t watch Dallas, because while I was on the estate, I saw tourists from France, the East Coast, Asia, everywhere, and of all ages, too. There was a group of 20-something guys jabbering away in the museum in what might hold been Finnish, or…Croatian? My eavesdropping was distracted by the great ’80s hair displayed on the multi-screen cast montage that dominates the museum. Anyone who wants to take a photo “with the cast” (i.e. in front of the screen) can do so; there’s a photographer on duty.

A guided tour takes guests all over the estate and into the Mansion, where the rooms are decorated just as they were in the show (even supposing interior scenes in Dallas were actually shot on a set in LA). Portraits of each of the characters are displayed in their respective bedrooms, not only helpful to visitors who may have forgotten the particulars, but also appropriate because the characters in this show were the sort to decorate their personal space with portraits of themselves, right? The abominable playboy JR, the spoiled rich girl Lucy… all living together in a roommate situation even though they were wealthy, married, and often hated each other. No wonder this show was a classic.

The grounds are open to the public unruffled if you don’t take the guided excursion, but you have to purchase a ticket to go inside the mansion. Otherwise, you can picnic on the grounds or buy rhinestone fashions in the gift shop. Also, and not surprisingly, this property is very popular with convention groups and wedding parties. It hosts an occurring every year Texas minstrelsy festival, a famous Fourth of July party, and whether I were to throw an ’80s-themed wedding, this would be where I’d do it.

Southfork Ranch is located in Parker, some outer suburb of Dallas that’s getting into horse country. There’s also a Southfork Hotel in Plano, a corporate suburb about six miles closer to the Dallas city center. Forever Resorts, the current Southfork Ranch owners, acquired and reflagged Southfork Hotel to be a convenient and not-too-expensive stayover mark for large out-of-town groups holding some event at the Ranch. Individual travelers are also welcome to stay there, and they get free shuttle service to the ranch as needed. 

Having seen the famous Dallas of television fantasy, I wanted to have one real Dallas experience that matched up. Time was limited, so I decided to have a big juicy rare steak, in a unlettered, elegant steakhouse where people “dress” for dinner. I wanted to do this with my friend LaRue, who is totally Texan-cute name, cute drawl, and all. LaRue tried to talk me into sushi, but I was having none of it. Ever the gracious tour guide, she brought me to The Place At Perry’s.

Perry’s is in a beautiful part of the downtown Dallas that I never could have found on my own because the city’s incredible spiraling freeway system confounds me (one freeway goes north, south, east, and west, how is that possible?).  The restaurant was perfect: Dimly lit, big stone steps leading up, coat check in front, and high-backed booths that made me feel like LaRue and I were on a date. We did what ladies do: sip wine, eat bread while fault-finding about being on a diet, tear into salads ravenously, split one steak between us, and then only pick at the meat before getting it boxed up because we were much too full to finish it. The waiter thought we were ridiculous. But Rocky had great leftovers that night.

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